It’s been a long while since I have written, and I know my blog says ‘simple joys of life’. But, today I am here for – bear with me – there is no other word except ‘vent’. Yes, one of the more common ways human beings express themselves.
I don’t know how common this adage is – but I think everybody at some point would have heard ‘Blood is thicker than water’. Simply put, it means our blood relations are much more valuable than our acquired relations. It means that when the time comes, more often than not, it’s our family who will stand by us in times of need. I always believed that to be true to an extent – in the sense, we know exactly where we stand with family – good or bad; and will not have the insecurities or misunderstandings one faces with friends. Friends come and go in different phases of life, but family stays on. They are the people who have been there since our childhood, we have grown together, celebrated happy moments and festivals and also mourned the loss of loved ones together. There is always some drama and some misunderstandings, but family is normally assumed to be stable and not the variable aspect of life. We learn to live with and accept the different personalities – dramatic, fun loving, patronising, condescending, idealistic, gossips, show offs– no matter which one you look for, you will always find that personality in different relations.
But what do you do, when the dynamics of an unhealthy relation in your immediate or extended family move on to toxic and antagonistic? Do you still continue to be loyal or choose your peace of mind and principles over these ties?
Having myself faced such scenarios for some time now – I’m choosing to move on from the people I once called my own. Standing up for myself and my loved ones has been far more satisfying for my mental peace than choosing to go with the toxicity. Do I mean to say that me or my loved ones have never made any mistakes? – Heavens, no. It does mean that we are in the process of acknowledging, realising and ensuring we do not repeat our mistakes. It means that we are trying to rise above our prejudices and egos to look at the bigger picture. Have I already accomplished this? – No, it’s a process.
The real achievement here is to recognise an unhealthy relation and step aside, even when you actually have this gut wrenching urge to scream or argue your point. Instead, I take a deep breath and choose to not justify my actions. The healing and moving on comes later. It has been one of the most difficult things that I am learning in life. To best put across how I feel- if one of the stems of the plant starts rotting, we generally clip it off to allow new leaves to grow in the same place. In a similar way, it’s prudent to recognise when to leave behind the relations that are rotting your mind and move on to new people and experiences.
I came across another version of the same adage that I started this post with- The Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. It means that the family you choose is stronger than the one you are born into. Ultimately, I think respect, love, understanding and above all TRUST is the most important factor in all relations.
You have got to spread your wings, if you really want to fly!