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Author: tanmayeej

Blood: Thicker than water?

It’s been a long while since I have written, and I know my blog says ‘simple joys of life’. But, today I am here for – bear with me – there is no other word except ‘vent’. Yes, one of the more common ways human beings express themselves.

I don’t know how common this adage is – but I think everybody at some point would have heard ‘Blood is thicker than water’. Simply put, it means our blood relations are much more valuable than our acquired relations. It means that when the time comes, more often than not, it’s our family who will stand by us in times of need. I always believed that to be true to an extent – in the sense, we know exactly where we stand with family – good or bad; and will not have the insecurities or misunderstandings one faces with friends. Friends come and go in different phases of life, but family stays on. They are the people who have been there since our childhood, we have grown together, celebrated happy moments and festivals and also mourned the loss of loved ones together. There is always some drama and some misunderstandings, but family is normally assumed to be stable and not the variable aspect of life. We learn to live with and accept the different personalities – dramatic, fun loving, patronising, condescending, idealistic, gossips, show offs– no matter which one you look for, you will always find that personality in different relations.

But what do you do, when the dynamics of an unhealthy relation in your immediate or extended family move on to toxic and antagonistic? Do you still continue to be loyal or choose your peace of mind and principles over these ties?

Having myself faced such scenarios for some time now – I’m choosing to move on from the people I once called my own. Standing up for myself and my loved ones has been far more satisfying for my mental peace than choosing to go with the toxicity. Do I mean to say that me or my loved ones have never made any mistakes? – Heavens, no. It does mean that we are in the process of acknowledging, realising and ensuring we do not repeat our mistakes. It means that we are trying to rise above our prejudices and egos to look at the bigger picture. Have I already accomplished this? – No, it’s a process.

The real achievement here is to recognise an unhealthy relation and step aside, even when you actually have this gut wrenching urge to scream or argue your point. Instead, I take a deep breath and choose to not justify my actions. The healing and moving on comes later. It has been one of the most difficult things that I am learning in life. To best put across how I feel- if one of the stems of the plant starts rotting, we generally clip it off to allow new leaves to grow in the same place. In a similar way, it’s prudent to recognise when to leave behind the relations that are rotting your mind and move on to new people and experiences.

I came across another version of the same adage that I started this post with- The Blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. It means that the family you choose is stronger than the one you are born into. Ultimately, I think respect, love, understanding and above all TRUST is the most important factor in all relations.

You have got to spread your wings, if you really want to fly!

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Assistant Head Girl? Umm, not really sure..

Today, one of my oldest and closest friend messaged me on Whatsapp, “Hey, need some help. Do you remember who was the Assistant Head Girl and Assistant Head Boy in our 9th std?” And I was like, “I don’t remember the Assistant Head Boy, but I think I was the Assistant Head Girl, though I don’t know for sure. Let me check.” Hilarious right?! Anyhow, this led me to rummage through all my old treasures- my slam books, diaries, small snippets that friends had given me, old greeting cards. When I couldn’t find what I was looking for, I finally decided to call up the one person who would surely remember my achievements- my mom. She did confirm that I was the Assistant Head Girl, but she couldn’t remember the Assistant Head Boy either.

Having already opened up my treasure trove, it was but obvious that this was how I would be spending my afternoon. Going through my old diaries, I discovered that almost every page that I had written was about my friends – what we did through the day, fights that we had, what I said, what he/she said, hoping that the fights would be over soon. Some pages have been dedicated to sibling rivalries, arguments with parents during the teenage ‘rebel’ phase. While my diaries are all filled with my teenage problems; I found out that my slam books on the other hand, are the real ‘Sunshine’ books. They are all filled with people saying how good and cute I am, what a great friend I am along with things like you have the cutest dimples and I will never forget you. Reading it, you would really feel that there is not a single flaw in me, and I must be the greatest person on this earth. I am pretty sure I have also written similar things in their books. While I was laughing at all the innocence of that age, it also striked me that I remembered every person that had contributed as a ray to this ‘sunshine’ book. I was surprised, considering I had maybe just 8-10 friends who were really close to me. What amazed me even more was that while I wasn’t sure if I was the Assistant Head Girl, I still remembered all the good times that I have spent with my friends. It goes on to show that the people in your life- whether past, present or future- is what you will be taking with you in your old age, and not the posts you hold in multiple stages of life. It does not mean that your career/achievements are not important; just that it would not give you the stability, the confidence or the moral support that the people in your life can.

I have been very lucky to have had and still have such great friends in my life. They have been through thick and thin with me and stood by my side throughout the years. I remember my grandpa saying, “You have an amazing set of friends.” when they had come over for my engagement ceremony. Whenever I feel really low, under appreciated or struggling with my self confidence, I often think about them and their unconditional love for me along with their unwavering faith that I could accomplish anything. I won’t lie, I am not in regular touch with majority of them- except for the occasional messages on Whatsapp. While my hubby is amazing at keeping in touch with his friends over regular phone calls; I on the other hand am lousy at maintaining contact, having always had a love-hate relation with my phone and social media.

So, while life goes on- with a multitude of responsibilities as usual, my friends along with my family, are the ones who come to my mind when I think about the people closest to my heart. Sunday afternoons like today, spent in their memories are like the summer vacations that we used to spend during school time. I dedicate this post to all the people who have lost touch with their friends over the years, but carry them in their heart constantly.

MY LITTLE MONSTER

I have been in a dilemma for a while regarding what my next blog should be. While I had a multitude of topics lined up, none made me as happy as my furbaby, Caesar. Now most of you might think –oh great, another article on how dogs are the best! While that is partly true, let me also show you a different version of the same reality.

Imagine waking up to a beautiful dog wagging his tail, licking your face and greeting you lovingly in the morning. Well, that is so not the reality in our household. We are woken up by a 24 kg dog jumping up on our bed & walking all over us (not caring whether he treads our arms, legs or stomach btw) while mouthing our hand so that we pick ourselves up and take him on a walk. At such times, I am so grateful that my hubby is an early riser because I have been infamously known as ‘sleeping beauty’ since my school days (not so much as the beauty, but definitely for the sleeping slob that I am). At one point of time, me and my better half used to argue as to who would have to sleep on the outer side of the bed due to the morning terror that is Caesar. While this is extremely annoying early in the morning, it turns out to be really hilarious a couple hours later after we have fed ourselves and our bodies are fuelled up.

Moving onto our over zealous, hyperactive pup; it is sometimes unbelievable that our brat used to fit in the palm of our hands just a year ago. That was the time when we were mistakenly under the impression that how difficult would it really be to raise a dog? Well, we found out pretty soon, what with the torn mattress, torn leashes, bite marks during the teething phase that would scar us forever. He has kept us on our toes since the moment he has entered our lives and has etched himself firmly in our hearts in this process. Having him in my life has made me realise how much endurance and patience I have when things are absolutely out of my control.

I remember the torn mattress incident particularly well. My hubby had been out of town for few days and Caesar was maybe three months old then. I was sleeping out in the hall that day and I let Caesar out of his crate in the morning to stop him from whining too much. Well, while I slept on soundly -having spent half my night awake cleaning his potty and putting him to sleep; I remember Caesar kept on pawing me to wake up and show something that he had in his mouth. When I finally woke up all groggy with sleep and went in search of my brat, I found him in the bedroom -my mattress torn, cotton fluff lying out & him just sitting there with a devil may care attitude. That is when I nicknamed him ‘my little monster’ and I’m proud to say he continues to live up to his name even today.

The little monster (this bean bag is torn now, btw)

P.S. For all of you for whom this article brought even a teeny tiny smile on your face, and would like to see the torn mattress, please check out Caesar’s Instagram handle @caesar_goldenlab. Like, comment and follow; and if you would like more such hilarious episodes do let me know.

Lockdown ke side effects

The streets are 80% less crowded, only few essential shops are open and a lot of stray animals are being seen around everywhere. The lockdown 2.0 has currently gripped the entire nation.

It has been really strange, this lockdown scenario which has been prevalent in the last month or so. I don’t think anyone in today’s generation would ever have imagined – much less follow – not going to pubs, not having weekend parties, not going to movies; and these activities are just the tip of the iceberg. There has been a drastic reduction in cool Insta/ Facebook stories, no pictures of nomadic traveling by the hippies which gets us all jealous of being stuck in office-family-kids-responsibilities routine. I don’t think we have ever been this unified, seeing as we all are facing the same uncertainties, anxieties and fear in the current pandemic of COVID-19.

While on the one hand, we all, meaning the highly evolved, very intelligent species of Homo sapiens are lamenting this turn of events; Mother Earth on the other hand is celebrating. Less pollution, more wildlife, higher visibility, cleaner rivers and many other such stories of miracles are cropping up on our news channels. I personally feel that Mother Earth has waged a war against us humans, irrespective of religion, boundaries and countries; and it looks like she intends to win this war. All that we can do right now is take a step back, realise that the world is much bigger than us and our “man made issues” and the real need of the hour is to be grateful for all the resources provided by nature.

Having said that, I feel there might be a silver lining hidden in this ordeal. Over the last few weeks, majority of the people throughout the world have been able to spend an enormous amount of time with their families, something that would not have been possible under normal circumstances. Where we had become so habituated to ignoring any personal issues by running behind office work and our careers, it is now ironic that everyone is being forced to communicate and learn to live harmoniously. There is no place to escape anymore, and the only place we can go is inside our own head to improve ourselves through constant reflections. In a way, we have unknowingly been given a wonderful opportunity for personal progress. Let us all pledge ourselves to create a better world in future through all the lessons learnt today.

On a lighter note, let us also utilise this time to bring back our childhood innocence, play fun games, bond with each other and enjoy this vacation. As we are all aware, change is the only constant in life and in time this too shall pass.

STAY SAFE EVERYONE! ✌🏼

Morning Dose of Happiness

You wake up in the morning to the blaring sound of your alarm. You snooze it, hoping to get few more minutes of bliss and paradise before you wake up to the mundane routine and reality of life. Waking up, the first thing you need is probably a cup of coffee or tea to jolt your senses and open your eyes.
That is how my day started. Like any other day, I woke up after a lengthy fight with my alarm where eventually my alarm won. I washed my face, and opened my front door to bright sunshine and to soak up some vitamin D. The sun was also still waking up and rising slowly, making me feel that we humans might not be the only beings who would wish a few more minutes of bliss. That is when I heard the sound which was literally music to my ears. “Woof!” It was Appu, a small puppy which was a recent addition to my neighbor’s family. I think it might be rare for any person in this world to remain unaffected by either a puppy or a baby.
“Woof!” came the call again. And it didn’t matter that I had to get ready for office, cook, do the dishes or clean up things. It all had to absolutely wait as I yielded to the call of the little ball of fur. I think they are completely aware of the effect they have on us, and use their charms to get everything that they want accomplished. As I ran towards the small bundle of energy, he got so excited that he began jumping and woofing and settled only after I started petting and loving him.
There’s something about being around a dog which brings immense pleasure to your state of mind. As I was petting Appu, tickling the underside of his belly- he rolled over with all his paws in air, tongue out and waiting for me to scratch his belly. He looked like he was in heaven. That small act was all it took to make him happy and he started playfully biting and jumping around. A little bit of love, absolute focus and some dedicated time was all he cared about. In return, he gave me his absolute attention and heaped me with his puppy love.
Needless to say- fifteen minutes of unconditional love later, I was refreshed beyond my imagination. Appu went on to seek more love and pampering from other kids in the neighborhood and they indulged him like a prince. For me though, those fifteen minutes got me through every small issue in the day with a smile on my face. I kept thinking about those fifteen minutes throughout the day and suddenly realized that it was like my morning dose of happiness.
Appu would probably never understand his significance in others life, but I believe every person might be having his or her own individual morning dose of happiness. It might be Yoga, jogging, laughter club, reading newspaper and for some people it might even be cooking or cleaning. Now imagine waking up and getting a cup of morning dose of happiness instead of your cup of coffee or tea. I guarantee you that you would be hooked to it for the rest of your life.

P.S. this article has been written long before the current lockdown situation in India..

Searching for my soul- My First Blog Post

I have always been an idealist. I know what most of you will think – get real, get practical! This is actually the mantra that has been preached to me by multitude of people. To escape this pessimistic attitude, I have always immersed myself in writing, as no one really talked back to me then.

But truth be told, what started as an escape, turned into a beautiful relation with myself and my thoughts. Through my own reflection, I started learning the art of balancing my idealist views with that of the real world. Through this art of self conversation, I’m learning to deal with and find simple joys in this long journey called life.

Along this journey, I would love to gather more friends, with whom I can share and learn. Hence, although I am a very private person, I’m choosing to start this blog to pick soul-searching people like me along the way.

WELCOME!!

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