For as long as I can remember, I have never liked the smell or taste of raw pure butter, or karela i.e. bitter gourd for that matter. The only person I remember coaxing me into trying both – has been Ajji. Because she knew I loved sweets, she mixed the butter with sugar and sent a spoonful of it down my throat. It still never made me like butter, but getting me to try it was the real achievement. That was Ajji. A teeny tiny short woman – who didn’t even touch 5 feet, as opposed to my almost 6 feet tall Ajja – but a force of nature.
Ajji was born into a huge family & similar to me – she was also the eldest in her family. I have always heard that she has taken care of everybody around her & has had a huge role in the upbringing of her siblings. Not only that, when she married and came into Ajja’s side of the family; she made sure she guided, supported and helped Ajja’s younger siblings and their families as well. Never have we heard her complain about any of this for as long as we have known her. She was a nurturer naturally & a genuinely good person at heart. Once we were born, this naturally extended into the lives of her grandchildren as well. I, being the first born on my mother’s side; have enjoyed the premium benefits, privilege & love from her until my younger siblings came along & probably even after that.
Everyday at the end of the day of our summer vacations, she used to make us all sit down & teach us Sanskrit shlokas. Every evening, she used to light the lamp & made us recite the ‘Shubham Karoti’, a Sanskrit shloka & the Marathi song version as well; a practice that I follow today in my personal life. The first time they brought home our family dog ‘Sonu’, she was the one who had introduced me to him. My favourite dish by her hands was her simple ‘varan’, i.e. yellow moong dal tadka which was simply love wrapped in comfort. Her cooking eggs for us – despite staunchly being a pure vegetarian in a Brahmin family & never eating it herself – is a memory that I hold close to my heart. This action taught me very early on that true love is in the simplest of actions, where you put your momentary comfort aside for the person, while still not compromising your beliefs and values.
Don’t get me wrong, she & I didn’t see eye to eye on a lot of topics since she was quite orthodox & traditional, and not to mention stubborn as well. But, at the end of the day, she always put aside these differences & showed unconditional love & acceptance towards us. And I think she made each of us siblings feel the most special in her own way. She, along with Ajja, have set up so many roots of our family, which I hope not only stays strong but also grows in the face of adversities.
Yesterday, this lovely tiny woman passed away. While all of us in the family are mourning this loss, everyone recollect her for having been there for everybody & someone who could be relied upon when needed. For extending the loving hand & blessings to everyone. But what struck me most were the recollections about how talented and enthusiastic she was. I have heard this umpteen number of times from Amma, that Ajji had so much potential, which never received any opportunity for growth due to her circumstances in life. Her life was eclipsed by the many roles she had to play, over the person that she actually was.
Ajji came from an all Marathi family & was married into a pure Kannadiga family where no one even understood her language. Not only did she learn to speak Kannada, but she also learnt to read & write in the language. This eagerness to learn & grow has been her personality for as long as I remember and for as long as her body supported her. Her enthusiasm to learn WhatsApp, sending beautiful quotes across to family members, even when probably not many had the time to read or respond. Her reminders & insistence to mama to recharge her phone – because she had to stay in touch with her siblings & immediate family using her phone only. There was also this instance where she bought copies of her favourite health book for not only her immediate family, but also the extended family, in the specific languages that they were proficient in – either English, Marathi or Kannada. Needless to say, that showed how deeply she understood as well as respected the differences within the family.
Her love for singing & music is well known and celebrated throughout the family. And I don’t mean someone who was tone deaf & appreciated music, but who actually had a beautiful voice & singing talents. Her memory for lyrics & songs was unparalleled. Whether she was in Pune or in Hubli (she used to live with both her sons in turns for as long as it was physically possible for her to travel), she made friends & groups and attended ‘Bhajana’ mandals to keep her love of music going. Even in the last few years of her life, when she eventually started losing her voice & was wheelchair ridden, her eyes used to sparkle when we started singing her favourite songs during festivals. My younger cousin who lived with her has probably given her the most joy in this regard. I think Amma, me & my sister have inherited this same love for music from her & I hope to cherish this gift throughout my life.
There are so many memories and moments which I can go on about, and yet it wouldn’t be enough for me to stop talking. As I bid farewell to this beautiful soul, acknowledging her many roles that she played in everybody’s lives, I want to honour her memory by remembering her for the person that she was. You will be missed Ajji!
P.S. This post is for everyone who have been fortunate to have grandparents during their growing up years.
Simple joys of life 